Break-ups and Shake-ups

It’s been three weeks since we broke up and I was doing really well until the 4th of July.

The rational side of me knows that this is for the best. We didn’t want the same things for our futures. Our day-to-day lives were very different. Our mindsets were not on the same track so to speak.

But that doesn’t change the fact that we had a good time together. That he made me laugh. That I made him laugh. That we liked a lot of the same things. That we had plans for the summer. That we had a lot of fun memories from the last six months.

This past weekend was the first time I think I truly felt sad that our relationship being over. It was the first time I truly missed him. Sure, I had wanted to text him about Big Little Lies or the ending of Pauly D and Vinny’s shot at trying to find love for the last few weeks, but that was missing our friendship more than our relationship. 4th of July was the first time I missed having him there as a boyfriend.

I had a bad day on the 4th. It was just a big swirl of UGH. I don’t actually want to share too much of why it was so ugh, but it was. Even though I had been very rational about our break up, that then swirled in with the rest of the ugh and I started to let it all sink in. To say this weekend was very emotional for me is an understatement. Things that helped: baths, talks, pilates. But I know having him there would have helped a lot more than a bath.

Breaking up is really a form of mourning or grieving. You are grieving what was, what could have been, your hopes for your future. And that’s why I hadn’t dated in so long. Not dating was the ultimate guarding of my heart. I never wanted to grieve again after my mom passed, but I had finally let someone in. Unfortunately, he hadn’t let me in like I had let him in and that made our relationship shorter than both of us thought it would last.

And now here I am grieving.

And the grief this time is easier. It still hurts and stings and it will take me a little time to get over, but I am learning that it is OK to stop guarding my heart. My heart is resilient. It can be healed and I can try again. If nothing else, I am glad he taught me that lesson.

 

 

Why I Don’t Have a Niche

Being able to explain what your brand does is very important. It’s Marketing 101. And having a personal blog, an Instagram, or Twitter is having a brand.

But how do you market that brand when your brand is just simply…you?

Ever since I changed my Insta name to Sassy Confetti I’ve had a hard time figuring out what my “niche” is. For a while, it was food. And then I added in stuff I did around Chicago. And then when Instagram Stories came into the picture and people started asking me about my clothes, I thought why not also talk about fashion? Why not talk about travel? Why not include my family, friends, relationships? Why not just show everyone everything? Instagram is basically a scrapbook of my life anyway…why not just show it all? So, I did.

A lot of people along the way encouraged me to find a niche. “You can’t be everything to everyone,” someone once said to me. When I posted more fashion, food accounts would unfollow and when I posted food fashion accounts would unfollow. And I thought they were right, but I kept growing even though I was sharing whatever I wanted.

Somewhere along the way I stopped caring about having a niche and eventually, people in the blogging world started calling me Sassy instead of Alex because Sassy isn’t just an adjective. Sassy is Alex aka me. And somewhere along the way, I didn’t have a niche anymore because my niche was just being me. That’s what made me stand out. That I was just purely ME…Sassy.

People ask me a lot how I’ve been able to grow my Instagram because lifestyle and fashion accounts are a dime a dozen. It’s hard to grow them because there are just so many. The market is over saturated with people trying to sell you their niche, their brand, their style. So what was my secret sauce? How did I keep growing even though I didn’t have a niche?

A lot of growth is luck – let’s be honest – because not everyone started out on day one when Instagram just began. Some of us started just two or three years ago (or just months ago!) so they didn’t get a leg up. I was lucky enough to start doing this before the saturation had begun, but not when it was at its peak either. When the algorithms weren’t impossible to predict. The other half is hard work. Commenting, responding to DMs, cultivating TRUE relationships is how you really grow.

And then a tiny sliver of growth and success in the blogging world is being real. Being your true self. Showing everyone the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sure, you don’t see everything. I don’t always talk about all the bad things in my life, but I do let you in to see enough that you all know a good amount about me and the hardships I’ve dealt with. You also see me without makeup, without a bra, and you see my insecurities. I think growth is a lot about that. And it’s why brands want to work with people now because their audiences trust them when they are honest with them.

So when people ask me to describe my blog or explain what my niche is, I say simply, “My niche is me. It’s about fun and color and food and Chicago and travel and fashion and movies and books and podcasts and friends and family.” Because I am all those things. I’m not just one thing and I don’t want to talk about just one thing either.

And that’s ultimately the most important thing, right? What do you want to talk about? Is it just food? Is it just fashion? Awesome! Go for it! Is it fashion and food? Cool! Is it about all of the above and then some? That’s cool too.

Just be you whether that is having a niche or not.

Things To Do in Chicago During Spring (AKA when it’s still rainy or snowy cause Chicago)

Things To Do in Chicago During Spring (AKA when it’s still rainy or snowy cause Chicago)

If you follow my stories on Instagram, you probably already know that I love staying busy and I love trying new things, which can sometimes be hard in a city like Chicago where you can’t really go outside much during the winter/spring because it’s cold AF. A lot of the time new and fun just means leaving your house for two hours to try a new restaurant. But for me, eating out all the time as a past time gets old fast so below are some things I did this winter and spring that I would highly recommend as the weather is still figuring itself out.

Aura Readings by Revealing Soul 

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My friends and I actually heard about Cindy who runs Revealing Soul from my astrologer friend Lauren of Modern Astrologer. We had done an astrology reading private party the year prior and Lauren had mentioned that her friend was starting to do aura readings. Cindy sets up a special custom camera that takes pictures of your aura, which is the light around your person, and then translates what that means in a group setting. To do a group reading like we did in your own home, you have to have at least 5 people, but she also does private readings out of her own home! We had a great time and I will definitely be seeing her again since she’s a medium as well. More on that to come!

The Magic Penthouse

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This past month, I did a fun date night with my boyfriend to see some magic. But The Magic Penthouse isn’t a regular magic show. For one, they only put on their exclusive shows once a month. The name of the show got its name because they were doing small, private shows out of their friend’s penthouse apartment where a few magicians would come and do magic up close and personal in an intimate setting. It grew from there to where they now do the same thing but in a ballroom at a hotel. The dress is cocktail chic, you get champagne all night (it’s an open bar so really anything you want), and you see magic not just on a stage but while you roam around the room. That way you get to truly interact with each magician as you want. If you’re more interested in mind readers, you could spend the whole 2 hours with just him or if you want to see it all you can walk around and sample all the magic. We truly had the best time and I would highly recommend it. The next show is coming up soon on May 17th!

Vanderpump/Bachelor in Paradise Viewing Parties 

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The only part about Monday that I enjoy is the TV. Right now that means Vanderpump Rules and soon that means Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise! I personally love to go to viewing parties like I did just last night at Broken Barrel to watch the Vanderpump Rules finale. They do theme food specials (like goat cheese balls!) and Pumptini cocktails and set up the room to look like SUR! Ranalli’s also does fun specials during the Bachelor/Bachelorette with heart-shaped pizza and discounts on Bachelor wine (yes, this is a thing).

Face Masks at Scratch Goods 

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This is a super fun BYOB activity. Scratch Goods in the West Loop hosts face mask tutorial type classes all the time and you can do it as a group activity or just go with one or two friends. They walk you through how to make the mask and you get to apply all the product and walk out with a fresh face!

Trial Run: Organic Tampons

Trial Run: Organic Tampons

Let me start this post by saying I am in no way a clean/green natural product expert. I still use non-natural deodorant after a pretty gross rash occurred while using Kopari. I want to try to use more natural cleaning products in my house but haven’t started the transition yet. Clean beauty products are something I have but not exclusively.

However, I read somewhere recently that tampons come in direct contact with very sensitive, highly permeable internal tissue in our bodies (makes sense when you think about it!) and that vaginal tissue contains a very large number of blood vessels and mucous membranes which can carry chemicals and other materials to other parts of your body.

It’s worth noting that the research on the above is so varied. I read article after article while writing this post about if you need to use organic tampons or not and what are the side effects of traditional tampons and one doctor said glyphosate is the main factor for people turning to organic which exists in such trace amounts in tampons that “a lifetime of heavy tampon use doesn’t approach the amount allowed for one day of oral intake.”

So the toxins might not be a major concern, but the idea of organic tampons being biodegradable really spoke to me – especially a plant-based applicator because the less plastic we have that doesn’t disintegrate on this planet is fine by me. Some women also said they felt less hormonal issues (cramping, heavy bleeding) when using organic tampons which also spoke to me since I get really bad cramps during my period.

At which point I was like OK, sounds like I could probably be fine using conventional tampons for the rest of my life, but what is the harm in trying something more natural especially if it’s biodegradable and makes me feel like I’m doing something positive for the earth?

Ironically not long after that, O.B. Tampons reached out to me to see if I wanted to do a collaboration around their organic tampons as did the plant-based feminine care company Honeypot Co. This is what I like to call good old fashioned telling the universe what you want and then it lands right in your lap karma. I’ve also heard really good things about Lola, but I didn’t order any in time for my April period so I will have to add to this post once I receive them in the mail!

Last week, I had my period so I used both organic tampon products and here are my thoughts on organic tampons overall.

CONS: 

  • I felt like I had to switch these tampons out more than conventional tampons. For me, this was comparable to having to apply more natural deodorant throughout the day. It’s doable, but also annoying especially when you’re used to it being so convenient to NOT have to switch out your tampon so frequently. Organic tampons definitely aren’t as absorbent as conventional tampons and that’s what a lot of people usually put in the PRO list because that means it’s less likely for you to get toxic shock syndrome. I usually use Playtex tampons and they are known for being SUPER absorbent so I think the variance there was a big one for me since I’m used to using maybe only 2-3 tampons a day during a heavy day and with organic tampons I used probably more like 5-7.
  • That whole thing about feeling less hormonal? That was a definite NO for me. I had one of the worst bout of cramps I have had in a while this go around. Ones that had me laying on the floor cursing everyone and everything out. I’m not sure if the hormonal thing is something that comes with using the organic tampons more regularly or not, but for me in this instance no I still had heavy bleeding and cramps.
  • The tampons were really easy to insert, but sometimes when removing them it hurt a little bit more than conventional tampons seemed to. This isn’t a deterrent for me, it wasn’t enough pain to make me not want to use them, more of a like, “Oh, that isn’t what it normally feels like”.
  • Organic tampons are much more expensive. I could get a 36 pack of non-natural tampons for the same price as a box of 18 organic tampons.

PROS

  • For me, the fact that both products were biodegradable is a big draw for me and would overshadow a lot of the cons.
  • O.B. actually has applicators that are 92% plant-based which again makes me feel better about trashing them. Honeypot’s applicators are plastic just BPA free.
  • In general, just feel better about what I am putting in my body and what I am putting back in the earth.

Overall, I thought my experience with organic tampons was a positive one. I would 100% buy organic in the future and try different size tampons and companies to find the right one for me.

I wouldn’t say O.B. or Honeypot won over one another. They both had good products that did what they said they would. O.B. might have a bit of an edge because they have plastic-free applicators, but Honeypot was founded by women, donates their time and money to menstruation charities like Happy Period, and is a start-up so really both would keep me as customers moving forward.

If you want to read more on the subject of if organic tampons are right for you, I suggest this article which helped me a lot when I was doing my own research.

Authenticity vs. The Perfect Feed

Here is the post where I admit that I feel like I am failing most of the time when it comes to blogging.

I don’t often sit on Instagram and wish I had someone else’s life. I really do love my life. I like the people in my life. I love my family. But, I often lust over people’s work ethic. Their determination to stay out and get the right shot. To hire a photographer. To think about the lines of a photo before they take it. To set up an area of their house/apartment that houses all their blogger to-dos. To set up a posting calendar. Downloading apps to make it just that more perfect. Having a REAL camera. Having a real camera with all the doo-dads to make it all work together in perfect harmony.

I envy that A LOT.

See, I can give you about 900 excuses as to why I can’t execute all of the above. I have a full-time job. I have a healthy social life. I travel a lot for work. I am on the board of a charity for brain research. I keep busy y’all.

And right now my latest excuse is that my boyfriend asked me to go see the final Avengers movie with him next week and I have to catch up on like 10 years of Marvel movies in two weeks. I mean, priorities people.

Plus I have this little side business aka Instagram/blogging.

But the real reason I don’t put in a ton of effort with my blog a lot of the time is that I just don’t know if I want to. WHOA. I said it. Let’s clarify this a little. I have a blog because I feel like I have things to say. I just want them to be significant things.

When I decide I want to write something it’s usually introspective. Writing this post, for instance, is SO much easier than me putting together a fashion post and finding look-alike outfits for you to purchase. But sometimes the things I want to write about don’t really vibe with my Instagram presence – light, fun, airy! Marrying up the two is hard for me. So many people have told me to find a niche. “You’re too many things! Food? Fashion? Pick one!”.

I’ve had many ideas of what this blog could be. Is it a travel blog? Is it a Chicago blog where I tell you about fun things to do? Is it a fashion blog? Do I share cocktail recipes?

My answer every time I come back to decide if I want a niche is no…no, I don’t. Because this Instagram and subsequent blog became what it is because I just share about my life. My niche is me. I’m the only one who has my opinions, my thoughts, my body. I want to share the things I like, the things I think, the things I wear.

Seems simple enough.

But then it comes back to the content. I need more of it. And better content.

I have an internal debate with myself about once a month. Do I hire a photographer and start doing more planned photo shoots or do I keep coercing friends, family, and my boyfriend to grab shots of me whenever we have a free minute like I do now?

The conundrum for me is the issue of planned photoshoots not feeling authentic to me or my brand. Trust me, I love the art that comes out of a session like that. I have lots of friends who work really hard with their photographers to plan the most amazing looks and locations and shots. And when I hear them plotting their next shoot or what shot will look good with what wall, I get envious.

I’ve done the photographer/photoshoot thing before. I’ve paid money for photographers to take shots of me and I rarely walk away with what I want. Because guess what? I’m not a model. I don’t look cute when I stare off into space with a Tyra Banks smize. And as much as I want professional photos, I also don’t want to spend half of my Saturday out there taking photos. It just doesn’t seem like the best use of my time. I feel like a better use of my time is being introspective and writing posts that make me feel something and, in turn, make you feel something.

I follow this blogger in Nashville and she recently put up a story on Instagram that basically said she’s pulled back from doing big shoots since time and money weren’t really allowing it right now. Not only that she was getting the photos back and feeling worse about herself so she started snapping more photos on her iPhone and got back to living her life. And she LOST followers.

My friends and I have that have under 10K followers on the gram talk about this a lot. To get to the next step we seemingly need to start to be more polished, more professional. But part of me doesn’t want to, because for me this blog and my Instagram are just me. The niche I’m trying to carve is ME. And I don’t do high fashion. I just like color and sharing what I do and what I eat and where I travel and sometimes I talk about grieving and sometimes I talk about how you guys think I’m a hypocrite (see my two Trump posts).

I don’t have the answer obviously, but for right now I just plan to keep sharing ME…in all my iPhone shot photos with my everyday fashion outfits and talking about my work trips.

Because that’s my niche.

What I Learned from Spending St. Patrick’s Day 2019 at Trump Tower

This past weekend was St. Patrick’s Day and if you follow me on my stories on Instagram you know that I spent my Saturday morning at a St. Patrick’s Day party at Trump Tower here in Chicago. River dyeing parties on St. Patrick’s Day are events that a lot of hotels with ballrooms or rooftops that look out of over the river have to generate revenue. Usually, they sell tickets and you have access to an open bar and buffet and views of the river being dyed green and this one also had Irish step dancers and bagpipers attending.

I had never been to one before. In fact, I had never seen the river dyed green (I’ve seen it literally the color green, but never seen the boats dye it green!). I was so excited at the invite, and the opportunity, to hang out with some of my blogger friends I hadn’t seen in a while and I accepted the invitation to attend the Trump Tower river dyeing party.

I put up my stories. Tagged Trump Tower. And immediately got a lot of responses. Some were very negative, some were disappointed, some were confused, some were ashamed of me.

As soon as I started getting the very negative responses, I got defensive of myself.

“It’s just a location. That doesn’t mean I believe in his policies.”

“He doesn’t even own it anymore, does he?”

“Well, I know myself and I know what I believe in so who cares what other people think.”

In reality, I didn’t even think about the fact that people would think I was a hypocrite because I identify as a Democrat. All I was thinking was the river is being dyed green and I want to go see it. My mind was hyper-focused on the experience and just having a good time. A few days earlier my plans had just been to go to some bars near my house and now I got to have this fun experience for free – how fun! That was what I was truly thinking. The fact that it was associated with President Trump didn’t even cross my mind.

As I was getting defensive and annoyed that anyone could take my actions as anything other than wanting to enjoy a festive day, my friend Mindy reached out via DM and simply asked me why I went. Her non-threatening way of asking me my intentions led to a really nice open dialogue that helped let down my defenses and realize why people would be upset to see that I had set foot in Trump Tower.

For one, he still makes money off of Trump Tower Chicago so spending money to attend that event does, in fact, put money in his pocket. Second, having young, pretty bloggers/grammers go to his event and talk about his brand and name in a positive light only helps him and makes him look good, which obviously was not my intention but I know that’s what it looked like from the outside by my attending the event.

If you follow Mindy on Instagram, you know she is someone who thinks about social injustice frequently. She always has the ability to see the perspective that others might not be able to and that’s why I love being her friend and I’m glad she has the patience to talk through things with me instead of judge immediately. What I learned from yesterday and attending this event was that we need to be more like her. Instead of seeing things you don’t approve of and immediately throwing jabs and insults and anger at the problem, think of a way you can have a conversation about it instead. When people were hurling insults, it just made my defenses go up. When I was allowed to explain my side, I opened up and I was able to discuss it openly. I learned from their side or perspective instead of curling up into a ball and not taking anything away from the day other than hurt feelings.

I wrote a post once about how my Dad supports Donald Trump and voted for him the last election which you can read here. In it, I talk about having soft conversations so people can hear your side of the argument. Sure, in theory, that’s great, right? But had I really practiced what I preached? Had I really learned from all those screaming matches with my father? No, not really. Sure, we’d had some good conversations but did I really get how he has felt through this political turmoil? Did I walk in his shoes?

I think having this experience let me understand how he, or any of my Republican friends, feel a lot of the time when dealing with anything related to politics – attacked. Instead of being able to have a dialogue with him, I hurl insults. His defenses go up. Mine go up. And we get nowhere fast. Being on the receiving end of the insults made me feel differently about how I will go about talking to these topics in the future. If nothing else, I think that’s a pretty lucky lesson to have learned on St. Patrick’s Day.

Other things I’ve learned: I’m human. I’m not perfect. Sometimes I’m going to react and not think before I do something. I’m going to go to places without thinking about the repercussions. I’m going to do things people don’t like and support brands people aren’t a fan of. Even posting about this is going to probably ruffle feathers. But the important thing is to learn from that decision and the repercussions and I walked away with a lot of lessons and I can live with that.

 

*I did not get paid by Trump Tower to attend the event but I did receive my ticket for free.

A Sassy Cabo Guide

A Sassy Cabo Guide

At the end of January, my girlfriends and I went to Cabo San Lucas for a little girls trip. The goal was to drink all the tequila, sit by a gorgeous pool, and just relax. We were only there for 4 days and we really spent a lot of time at our hotel, but below are some of my recommendations. I 1000% want to go back soon because I really loved it there. It has a really unique topography that almost reminded me of Ibiza. It has fun nightlife. It has gorgeous resorts. It’s not far from Chicago. I totally get the hype around Cabo now. So below are the places I recommend that we went to.

Hotel

We stayed at The Montage Los Cabos and it was probably the nicest hotel I have ever experienced. First off, the location is just perfect. It’s not in downtown Cabo, but not far enough that you can’t take a cab or Uber downtown. It’s also right on the Santa Maria beach which is conveniently on a bay. A lot of Cabo is on rougher ocean water so it’s harder to kayak or paddleboard or even swim, but this water was calm and easy to do activities in.

The rooms are GORGEOUS. Our outdoor shower was my favorite feature and the amazing turndown service every night. And don’t get me started on the staff. I could talk your ear off about how great the service was. The resort is pretty small so everyone knows you by name…or in our case by what we drank. Mimosas in the morning, tequila in the afternoon, and wine at dinner.

Bars

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  • Happy Endings: Hands down my favorite bar we went to when we went out on the town in downtown Cabo. It had more locals than tourists, beer pong, and the DJ was cranking out the old and new hits.
  • The Office: One day, we were supposed to take a booze cruise and it fell through so we changed plans and ended up getting lunch at this beach bar. They walk around with shooters, people can come to braid your hair, and the food was pretty decent. They also make their own tequila. It’s a super fun party atmosphere and you are literally sitting in the sand. My only complaint is that this place is really out of the way and it definitely seems like a day party so you are missing a day in the sun (all their tables are under umbrellas), so come here closer to sunset if you want more time at the pool.
  • La Vaquita: We happened upon this place on our way to a club and loved the outdoor dance party vibe they had going on.
  • Mandala: A legit nightclub. We were only here for a little while before asking where the closest taco place was (the best idea we ever had), but this place was fun although it for sure had a more American vibe. You sort of felt like you were in Vegas, not Cabo.
  • The Rooftop at the Cape: We started our night out here with live music and lovely views of the ocean. The food was just OK and the drinks are pretty expensive since it is a hotel, so I recommend coming for sunset and a drink and then moving on. But the live band was my favorite part for SURE. The lead singer of the band we saw sounded exactly like Charlie Puth.

P.S. Everyone kept telling me we HAD to go to Cabo Wabo Cantina because even though it’s cheesy, it’s fun. Not sure if we just had a weird night but everyone was over 55 and the band was not that great. We had one drink and peaced out of there. I would avoid even though it’s a must on a lot of to-do lists out there.

Restaurants 

  • Flora Farms:  We didn’t leave our hotel for many meals since the hotel was so fabulous, but we did make one trek off-site to go to Flora Farms which is a restaurant/bar/event space/shopping area/ice cream store. It literally has everything including a spa and they also teach different classes on the farm too like cooking or painting classes. We came for lunch and got a bunch of pizzas and an amazing charcuterie board. We stayed until they literally kicked us out because they have so many fun little areas to explore like a turtle pond and a beautiful garden. It’s out of the way, but worth it.
  • Mezcal: This was the nicer restaurant at our hotel. We loved our meal here and I think it’s worth going to if you want to get out of the downtown area. All the seat are near fire pits and look out on the water and the food was spectacular – especially the fish tacos!